`canaria` in the rain

if only it’s possible, I don’t really want to think about the sad things; not today, not tonight… perhaps, not even anytime when I don’t need to. not even when I don’t feel like walking through the drenching, pouring rain tonight.

really — if only it’s possible, I don’t want to think about it. and not here as well; while sitting on the concrete edge by the junction, looking only at the raindrops and drenched pavement, and not feeling like doing anything else.

…strange, I remember about `canaria`.

kanashii koto wa mou kieteru hazu
kimi ga mezameru asa ni wa
dakara yoake made sukoshi nemurou
daijoubu, soba ni iru yo

:: sorrowful things should have gone already
:: by the morning when you wake up
:: that’s why, until the dawn, just sleep a little longer;
:: it’s okay, I’m by your side

ah, semete ima dake wa
tanoshii yume wo
kimi ni hikari yo, watashi ni kinu yo
nozomu mono wa soredake

:: ah, at least for now
:: let us have a pleasant dream
:: (like) you’re in the light, and I’m with the silk
:: it would be all that I wish

what wishes are all about anyway; it’s only something people rely upon, something people need to keep walking. it’s fragile, yet people yearn for that something; be it broken or shattered, a wish is something people hold dear in their hearts — whether they are aware or not.

silently singing in the rain, around me there are people, saying and talking about things — strange, but I was alone.

yakusoku nante hoshikunai,
kowarete shimai sorede
daiji na mono wa, itsudatte,
katachi ga nai kara

:: I don’t want a promise,
:: it’s all broken already, that’s why
:: precious things are, always,
:: they don’t have figure to begin with

perhaps it would be easier if I just walk amidst the rain, letting go of these glasses, while looking up at the nightfall sky. wouldn’t be convenient, but at least it’s raining — so it would be all right anyways.

…but I end up not going anywhere.

mune no oku kakushita kono NAIFU wa
kizutsukeru tame janakute
hontou no jibun mutsuu shitatsu tame no,
taisetsu na katami datta

:: I tried to hide this naivete,
:: so that I wouldn’t be hurt from
:: it’s my will that this ought to be painless;
:: a precious memento, so it was

ah, tsuyoi hito da ne to
iware, yuka bii
kodoku ni natta, demo waratteta,
soshite, kimi ni deaetta

:: ah, to become a strong person
:: it was a reason to me, a token of gratitude
:: it became lonely, yet I laughed;
:: then I met you

why do I keep thinking about the sorrowful things, I wonder; if only I could just be there, at least smiling and all the things just like how it used to be. but it’s only yet another ‘if’ — and as if riding the uneasy crescendo, here I am; looking only at the raindrops and drenched pavement, silently reminiscing the continuation of `canaria`.

because kindness, can be really cruel sometimes.

itami wo shita,
hitotachi no kokoro ni sumu canaria
kagami ni utsuru aozora de,
utau yo, kimi no tameni

:: grieves, as I learned, are just
:: like canaria living in people’s heart
:: yet as the mirror reflects the blue sky,
:: I’ll sing (this), only for you

tonight, the blue sky is no longer; only grim nightfall awaits, as well as the last drops of the fading rain. but at the very least, I believe — maybe, probably… that around this time tomorrow, the rain will cease to follow, and things will fade into one more today.

for now, it’s still a sad song. but at least, only for this time, I hope that you would understand.


—written on Jan 31, 2009