on remembering someone (else) in a late night of an April

it was one rainy night in early April when I walked out and was greeted by the rain, a little drizzle, as the sun had set and nightfall was approaching. twenty-four degrees, celcius, and with all that I thought that I wanted to stay a little longer beneath the sheltering roof under skyscraping heights.

drizzle, drizzle, as  I may remember…
but for one, to be heir to the princess’ throne 

even I had to admit I might have been thinking about one night few years back, or maybe of another night in another April as pouring rain greeted me through the arrival gate…

but that’s not what I was thinking about. not at all.

don’t. you. dare. pity. me.

so I walked through the rain. people were rushing, the streetlights flickered with dim light. perhaps in a hurry, the lightning prompted a little dispersion.

no, I didn’t remember Bonnie Pink[1]. I didn’t remember that night in that other April as I walked through pouring rain, I didn’t remember the years it took, I didn’t remember anything about it!

if I were to ask, will you? take her place for me.
your option, Ma’am. all yours.

red, green, yellow; rhythm in indifferent cadenza; the breeze was getting colder; the streetlights awash with stoicism.

you didn’t have to be that kind to me. you didn’t have to say things I needed to hear. you didn’t have to make me——— dear, how much I hated myself already! or maybe it was just the rain, running through my head, through the capuchon, through the glasses, through my mind;

why, sure, what else were it not for the rain. let it fall. let’s make it all the rain’s fault…

and the rain kept on falling. and life just keeps on running.

___

[1] ‘It’s Gonna Rain’, by Bonnie Pink
[2] (re)written on June 2013

setengah(nya kayak) fiksi

‘maaf, ini mas siapa, ya? tadi nomornya kirain mbak _____.’

‘iya, aku suaminya mbak _____.’

berpikir sebentar, setelahnya saya memandangi layar ponsel. baiklah.

.

‘kamu kenapa nggak lanjut sama dia?’

‘gimana, ya. kami beda keyakinan.’

‘agama?’

‘mesti po? kalau aku yakin suka sama dia tapi dia nggak yakin suka sama aku, njuk piye?’ (nyengir)

kemudian saya menyeruput teh. beberapa hal memang perlu disikapi kalem dan cuek sambil nyengir saja sih.

.

‘lagi nggak masuk, ya?’

‘nggak di kantor sih. ada apaan?’

‘nggak apa-apa, pengen nanya aja soal adek gue. jadi gimana tuh kerjaannya?’ (tertawa)

yang ini bukan kakakku dan adiknya itu bukan aku. tapi pengen juga sih kalau kakakku beneran telepon.

.

‘aku lagi di _____, due to some errands. dan nggak punya banyak waktu, tapi… just wondering, just wondering, if we can meet.’

‘…’

‘…’

‘iya, sebenernya pengen ketemu juga. been a while, ya.’

ketika waktu dan rencana bertabrakan dengan impulsi dan kebetulan, dan salah satu harus dikorbankan. akhirnya kami nggak ketemu.

.

‘jadi gue harus gimana dong?’

‘ngg…’

‘yah, dia lagi elu tanya. dia mah gadis ahli kitab aja dipacarin, kok. (nyengir)

sambaran yang sungguh menancap. tapi, yah… jilbab atau ahli kitab, kalau ada suka itu nggak selalu perlu syarat, kan.

.

Beyond Belief: Fact or Fiction?™

silakan diputuskan sesuka dan senyaman hati anda saja. 😉