`canaria` in the rain

if only it’s possible, I don’t really want to think about the sad things; not today, not tonight… perhaps, not even anytime when I don’t need to. not even when I don’t feel like walking through the drenching, pouring rain tonight.

really — if only it’s possible, I don’t want to think about it. and not here as well; while sitting on the concrete edge by the junction, looking only at the raindrops and drenched pavement, and not feeling like doing anything else.

…strange, I remember about `canaria`.

kanashii koto wa mou kieteru hazu
kimi ga mezameru asa ni wa
dakara yoake made sukoshi nemurou
daijoubu, soba ni iru yo

:: sorrowful things should have gone already
:: by the morning when you wake up
:: that’s why, until the dawn, just sleep a little longer;
:: it’s okay, I’m by your side

ah, semete ima dake wa
tanoshii yume wo
kimi ni hikari yo, watashi ni kinu yo
nozomu mono wa soredake

:: ah, at least for now
:: let us have a pleasant dream
:: (like) you’re in the light, and I’m with the silk
:: it would be all that I wish

what wishes are all about anyway; it’s only something people rely upon, something people need to keep walking. it’s fragile, yet people yearn for that something; be it broken or shattered, a wish is something people hold dear in their hearts — whether they are aware or not.

silently singing in the rain, around me there are people, saying and talking about things — strange, but I was alone.

yakusoku nante hoshikunai,
kowarete shimai sorede
daiji na mono wa, itsudatte,
katachi ga nai kara

:: I don’t want a promise,
:: it’s all broken already, that’s why
:: precious things are, always,
:: they don’t have figure to begin with

perhaps it would be easier if I just walk amidst the rain, letting go of these glasses, while looking up at the nightfall sky. wouldn’t be convenient, but at least it’s raining — so it would be all right anyways.

…but I end up not going anywhere.

mune no oku kakushita kono NAIFU wa
kizutsukeru tame janakute
hontou no jibun mutsuu shitatsu tame no,
taisetsu na katami datta

:: I tried to hide this naivete,
:: so that I wouldn’t be hurt from
:: it’s my will that this ought to be painless;
:: a precious memento, so it was

ah, tsuyoi hito da ne to
iware, yuka bii
kodoku ni natta, demo waratteta,
soshite, kimi ni deaetta

:: ah, to become a strong person
:: it was a reason to me, a token of gratitude
:: it became lonely, yet I laughed;
:: then I met you

why do I keep thinking about the sorrowful things, I wonder; if only I could just be there, at least smiling and all the things just like how it used to be. but it’s only yet another ‘if’ — and as if riding the uneasy crescendo, here I am; looking only at the raindrops and drenched pavement, silently reminiscing the continuation of `canaria`.

because kindness, can be really cruel sometimes.

itami wo shita,
hitotachi no kokoro ni sumu canaria
kagami ni utsuru aozora de,
utau yo, kimi no tameni

:: grieves, as I learned, are just
:: like canaria living in people’s heart
:: yet as the mirror reflects the blue sky,
:: I’ll sing (this), only for you

tonight, the blue sky is no longer; only grim nightfall awaits, as well as the last drops of the fading rain. but at the very least, I believe — maybe, probably… that around this time tomorrow, the rain will cease to follow, and things will fade into one more today.

for now, it’s still a sad song. but at least, only for this time, I hope that you would understand.


—written on Jan 31, 2009

12 thoughts on “`canaria` in the rain”

  1. @ apret :
    Habis gambling di genting mbak?
    menang berapa?
    pas ke genting kok ga ngajak2 sih? *mau ikutan juga*
    *ditendang krna OOT* 😛

  2. Entah knapa tba2 saya pengen ngeliat tlisanmu lg. Pengen liat komenmu tntng daun2 gugur itu. Ternyata kmu bisa bhsa jepang ya? Saya dlu wkt kls tga sma ngambl jrusn bhs, ad pel bhs jepangx jga. Tapi skr sdah lupa krna sya kulx ngambl bhs n sastra indnesia. Kontemplasimu lumayan dalam ya. Sayangx, bhs inggris yg saya miliki pas2an jadi tdk bgtu menangkp mksd tlisanmu


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